you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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