Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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