i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
