I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
