Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize