Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
