my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
