I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
