I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
