I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
