let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
