Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
