and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
