Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
