South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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