Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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