If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
