Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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