I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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