i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
