and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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