Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
