I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
