I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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