bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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