I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
