I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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