Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He has the fingertips of a God
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