i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
