I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His nipple licking is glorious
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