Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
zippers are such a cool invention
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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