and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
