Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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