If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
