We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The air was thick with penises
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
