I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize