Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
