Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
