maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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