I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
