Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
