On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
