WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
