I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
