what is it with giant penises always finding me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
