Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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