I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
