I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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