You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
