Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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