if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I believe in your delicious
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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