it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
sex in a hospital.. check
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
