Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
