john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
