I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
