I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
